5.12.13

Names & Titles

Yesterday, lil man said something that apparently stuck with me. Here's how the conversation went:
Lil Man: Mom, what's your name?
Me: Mom
Lil Man: Nooo, your name is Kesha.
Me: You are right, but to you, I am Mom. What's daddy's name?
Lil Man: Jason.
A lil later ...
Me: What's Granny Gran's name?
Lil Man: Granny Gran
Me: What's PaPa's name?
Lil Man: PaPa
He's a funny lil kid man and has actually said all of our names at some point. Usually he was repeating one of us after we had called out for the other, but still. He does actually know that PaPa's name is James or Jimmy. And that Granny Gran is Ann, but he won't call them that. Just as he won't call me Kesha unless given clearance (ie. singing Happy Birthday with everybody else or asking me my name) or when asked sometimes. He flip flops between that answer depending on his comfort level with the person and understanding of what that person really wants.

Anyway, I thought about that this morning and realized I want to teach him differently so he understands the difference between a title and a name. Now, I will NOT give him clearance to call my Kesha on the regular, but I do want him to know that that's my name. He's only to refer to me as Mom so that he's never confused about my actual role in his life. As mom, I am held to a different standard than as Kesha. Plus, Kesha holds other titles defining other roles and I'd hate for him to ever confuse them because they are NOT all the same. Not only that, but they all require a different answer from me when addressed. So know that when you add a title to your reference of me, I will respond according to that title. I am still and always will be Kesha, but I have a different set of responsibilities to demonstrate under my various titles.

So let's step back a moment. I actually am not a fan of titles and would rather everyone call me Kesha ... until I had a child and he called me Kesha. At that point, I realized that I was NOT okay with that. See my dad called his mom by her name because she told him to do that; I tried to change them both and they just laughed at me. I've called my mom by her name when yelling "Mom!" in a crowd of mothers didn't get her attention, but that's the only excuse I use. I've found that I'm not comfortable calling parentals by their names. It weirds me out to call my MI parentals (you may call them my in-laws) by their name even though they've told me to do so. Anyway, now I get titles.

However, I will still not get one changing and being fake about that foolishness. You are no better with your title than without. See your title defines a particular role NOT your personality & character. See I am still the same ol moody weird not-so-nice, but loving Kesha whether my son is referring to me as Mom or my husband refers to me as wife or anybody else calls me Kesha. My personality doesn't change, but my responsibility to you does. As mom, I am responsible for this child's life. As wife, I am responsible for my vows to my husband. As Kesha, I am only responsible for loving you anyway.

Hopefully that sounds all warm and fuzzy. This is all to say that no matter what my title is, I am still just -ME- ... nothing more, nothing less. Don't put me in a box or on egg shells. Just go on about being you and we will be all good. (I'd make a M.C. Hammer reference, but I was NOT a fan of that stage of his musical career.) So yeah, I'll leave y'all on that note.

[While this was written, the day after these things happened, this post shall come to you a few days weeks later ...]

Love y'all ...