Is your Heart in it?

Good day Peeps,
   Today I pose the question: Is your heart in it?

Have you ever been so hyped up to do something, that you had trouble sleeping at night?  Has an idea ever popped in your head and you couldn't wait to get started?  What about learning about/created a new way to do some work and were excited at the possibilities? Then for whatever reason, let's just say "life got in the way" your thought, idea, dream fizzled...

The point I'm trying to make is, when your heart is in "it" - whatever "it" may be, you put your passion, energy and time into that one thing and "it" captures the majority of your time.  You dream about "it" when you're sleep. You pursue "it" when you're awake. "It" can take you to the point of frustration if you aren't careful and begin to idolize "it". This is a very common scenario with many people.

If you don't believe me, look at the many examples where people are't as passionate about something they once were.  i.e. Marriages.  The rate of divorce in America in 2013 hit 50%.  Couples, who once shared the passion they have for each other, one or both parties, determined that they didn't want to be in the marriage anymore.  How many "passing" dreams have escaped people because they no longer want to put the necessary energy or focus into making their dream a reality.

Even me, yes ESPECIALLY me, have had the problem of dealing with the lost of ones passion for things that I once considered vital to my legacy.  Now, I have been fortunate, no, blessed enough to not have this take place with things that I would consider inexcusable; My family (especially my wife and son) but I find that I can easily become "short-sighted" and not look at the big picture or even fail to dream of what I can be, should be, want to be doing.

The funny thing is, I'm an insomniac.  I don't really sleep, or at least I didn't used to.  But as I finally creep up to getting 6 hours of sleep (that is a TON better than what I used to get), I find myself with less energy to do I really want to do... write.  It took me forever in a day to finish the 1st series of my comic.  {More on that to come}  I have, what I consider, to be a great novel idea.  Have I started writing it, no, just the basics.  My main point is, I spend more time on more trivial, less significant things (watching T.V., playing xbox, etc) instead of writing when I have the chance.  My heart isn't in to it right now.

I'm the type that I don't want to turn out any ol thing.  If I'm going to do something, I want to make sure it's top notch & high quality. I feel the worse thing I can do is to give anything I do, a halfhearted effort.  So until I feel that I can give something my all, I hold back and I keep things to myself.  I plan and dream to dream, hoping one day that I'll have the energy, the focus, and the heart to do "it"...

Controlling One's Anger

I'd call this a series, but I think I'll wait to see just how long I can keep this streak up. Anyway, we ended our last post with:

How does one teach a toddler to control his anger when you've finally lost control of your own anger after years of having it under control?

I've decided to first deal with controlling one's anger since I've been better at that in the past. [Never been very good at dealing with the anger, but we'll get to that when we get to it.] Here are the top 10 reasons that I can think of that have helped me control my anger in the past. They are in no particular order.

1. I understand or at least accept that I can not and never will be able to control other people.
2. I understand and accept that no one else has any control over me (whether they think/know it or not).
3. I've learned to show respect to other people without depending on my like of them or their ideas.
4. I take deep breaths EVERYDAY - usually multiple times a day.
5. I think about those I love and are loved by EVERYDAY.
6. I listen more than I talk [because talking, oftentimes, leads me into trouble].
7. I don't have (or want) a lot of friends.
8. I don't, nor ever will I, pretend to like people.
9. I'm constantly praying in my head.
10. I don't believe that I am right about everything and I'm all about agreeing to disagree.

Now, what has happened to prevent me from grabbing on to those things recently? Well, honestly - I can't put my finger on one particular thing. It's a combination of quite a few little things that just have added up over time to where I just became overwhelmed and saw darkness. I just couldn't see the light for anything and it all came to a head when I punished my son darn near all day one day. I made that child stay in his room a good hour or so and sent him back when he wouldn't do what I told him to do. He was in that room when daddy came home later. I broke down & cried while cooking dinner that night for them. {I had already shed a few tears the day or so before when I realized that my frustration with the boy was showing enough for my husband to attempt a mediation cause I didn't want to be around my own child.} So after drying my tears, washing my face, and finishing up dinner before either one saw me, I made a decision that I needed to get it together. Yesterday's post was a result of that.

So here we are. How am I going to now teach my son about controlling his anger? I'll get back to doing what I always promised myself I'd do for all those young folk watching me and especially for my child. I have to get back to leading by example. No more "dinosaur" (post to come) mom, no more "spanking" mom, no more "fill-in-the-blank" mom. I'll get back to being me - generally, calm and collected. I will show my son how I leave situations that frustrate me in order to recollect myself. I will show him how to use breathing techniques to calm himself and to regain his peace of mind.

The next step is probably to figure out what to say to deal with the situation, but I'm usually all about just enforcing a silence until such a time has come. This is not always the right thing to do, but I told y'all I've never been good at dealing with the anger issue. I did say that I'm not right about everything right? Yeah. So you may not agree with what I do, but we'll agree to disagree because I think peace of mind trumps debating you about it. I'm still growing y'all and I must say this year has brought about a lot of growing pains for me. It's alright though because the blessing continue to flow through it all. So like I stated in my first post, having my child is a blessing & a curse. I may want to curse through these trials, but I continue to see too many blessings in and around my life for me to let parenting get the best of me.

Oh did I tell y'all? Yesterday was a good day. We declared a "No Hitting" Zone - more on that later. Now that I thin about it, we (me & Jairus) declared quite a bit without daddy being present. So this weekend may be spent making our Family Declarations {... ooohhh, y'all i gotta tell y'all about something we've been working on that is about to come into play in our own home sooner than later.} and possibly deciding how we want to go about posting them around the house. This shall be fun!!

Well, I've used up my posting time allotment for the day. Post to y'all another time. Later!

Parenting: A Blessing & A Curse

Hey folks! It's cold today. It's winter so it's no surprise, but still. I guess it's no biggie since we made it through that "snowpocalypse" last week. Anyway, I'm not here to talk about that right now. I'm here because I need an outlet - one that I've been struggling with actually using for awhile, but today I need it so here goes everything.

I'm struggling y'all. Parenting is a HUGE struggle for me whether anyone (aside from my close family) have noticed. I love my son to life & I am always very aware of just how much of a blessing he is to us. BUT lately we've been going through a bit of a rough patch. And y'all ... I'm failing miserably at this discipline thing. Seriously, I've never been big on physical discipline because I feel like it should only be used for dire cases, but my child has pushed me pass my "patient" limits. It's like he hates me (no, he doesn't, but it feels that way) and I can't seem to be a good enough mom to him. But then he loves me and I just can't get him off of me with all that kissing & hugging. It's really cute, but too much for me at times. So y'all, ya girl is reaching out.

I'm now about to open up my closet for all to see cause I think I'm the root of my child's anger issues. He loves me, but doesn't know how to constructively deal with anger. I have got to do better before we run my poor husband ragged mediating our foolishness. Yeah, I have to admit lil man and I are both on some foolishness right now and our household is a war-zone because of it. Well, it's time for a change & I can only change myself so like I said here we go.

I'm going to take a lil time each day to just do a quick blog about what's going on with me as it pertains to this closet of mine that my child is exposing to me. Funny thing, he does not show most people his crazy so most only know my side of dealing with him. I'd love for somebody to hear his side so I can adjust accordingly, but he also talks mostly to me & dad. Quirky lil family we have here! Anyway ...

I also think that this just may be the year I deal with all of my avoided issues head-on. I'm really too grown to still be so angry, but I'm pretty good at masking it. My husband likens me unto The Hulk with that anger issue. Because I'm angry all the time, I've figured out how to control it. I, however, don't do well with other people's anger issues cause well I cannot control them. And let's face it - I usually think they are doing it all wrong. This includes my lil man. I have got to do better y'all. I know I can't control this child, but I felt like he should just know because he was a part of me for so long. Well, I was am wrong and it's time I right this thing for our family's sake.

How does one teach a toddler to control his anger when you've finally lost control of your own anger after years of having it under control? Well, we'll address that later cause right now I need to get ready for a presentation ... Angry? Well, come on back later to figure out how to control it or at least my plans for teaching my lil man how he too can learn to not only control his anger, but deal with it constructively as well.

Later y'all!!

Eggs: Whites vs Yolks

So this week, I've darn near cooked an entire dozen of eggs. It usually takes us closer to two weeks (sometimes more), but the lil man has been on an egg binge this week. It's cool cause he rarely eats protein so I'm all about getting that in his system when he wants it. Anyway, this week, lil man also decided he only likes the white part. He used to eat the whole thing ... just 1. Now he only eats the white part and wants 2. Uuuhhh sir, you are WASTING my eggs & I don't like it at all. Here's the other thing: I prefer only the yolk - I loathe the whites. YUCK! It's so bad, that I've never even tasted Deviled Eggs - most people are appalled by this fact, but y'all can go on with that. I do know how to make them because they were at all of our BBQs, but I'm good on that.

[Sidebar: I just began eating egg white when I got pregnant or maybe right after lil man was born. All those doggone books and websites said it's good for the baby. Plus, I didn't want to go through the whole "do as I say, not as I do" with eggs - that's silly. Also, I figured I looked silly being a grown woman and only eating the yolk. So I bit the bullet and began eating the entire egg. Still disgusted the the whites, I eat for health & grown-ness sake. End Sidebar]

Ultimately, it's cool that he only eats the whites & a problem that was solved when I was a little girl. How? Well, my sister only liked the whites when we were little so we'd share our eggs. I'd give her my whites and she'd pass me her yolks. Sssooo I now share eggs with lil man whenever he desires them. It's kind of reminiscent of my childhood.

Oh, and you health nuts with your "eggs yolks are bad" mantra just shoo on along. There will be no wasting if we can help it. Plus, we don't eat enough eggs for it to really matter. Knowing lil man, he won't want to even see an egg for another 2 weeks or so.

Whelp, that's my rant for today ...

The 38 Days of Jasonism

What up my good people?
As many of you know, (probably by me announcing it over the past 2 1/2 months) Today I celebrate my 38th Birthday.  I love my birthday and I love being random.  With that being said, I would like to send a shout-out to my lady wife!  A truly great person, cook, friend, wife & gift giver...

(Sung to the tune of the 12 days of Christmas)

On the 1st day of my birthday, my lady wife gave to me:
A Cartridge for my Sega

On the 4th day of my birthday, my lady wife gave to me:
4 Choc'late Bars
and a Cartridge for my Sega

On the 6th day of my birthday, my lady wife gave to me:
6 Bags of Tea
4 Choc'late Bars
and a Cartridge for my Sega

On the 10th day of my birthday, my lady wife gave to me:
10 Colored Socks
6 Bags of Tea
4 Choc'late Bars
and a Cartridge for my Sega

On the 12th day of my birthday, my lady wife gave to me:
Tweeellllvvveeee Shots of Jaaaaccckkkk...
10 Colored Socks
6 Bags of Tea
4 Choc'late Bars
and a Cartridge for my Sega

On the 16th day of my birthday, my lady wife gave to me:
16 Belgian Waffles
Tweeellllvvveeee Shots of Jaaaaccckkkk...
10 Colored Socks
6 Bags of Tea
4 Choc'late Bars
and a Cartridge for my Sega

On the 21st day of my birthday, my lady wife gave to me:
21 Scrambled Eggs
16 Belgian Waffles
Tweeellllvvveeee Shots of Jaaaaccckkkk...
10 Colored Socks
6 Bags of Tea
4 Choc'late Bars
and a Cartridge for my Sega

On the 25th day of my birthday, my lady wife gave to me:
25 New Hustles
21 Scrambled Eggs
16 Belgian Waffles
Tweeellllvvveeee Shots of Jaaaaccckkkk...
10 Colored Socks
6 Bags of Tea
4 Choc'late Bars
and a Cartridge for my Sega

On the 28th day of my birthday, my lady wife gave to me:
28 Folded T-Shirts
25 New Hustles
21 Scrambled Eggs
16 Belgian Waffles
Tweeellllvvveeee Shots of Jaaaaccckkkk...
10 Colored Socks
6 Bags of Tea
4 Choc'late Bars
and a Cartridge for my Sega

On the 31st day of my birthday, my lady wife gave to me:
31 Coupon Deals
28 Folded T-Shirts
25 New Hustles
21 Scrambled Eggs
16 Belgian Waffles
Tweeellllvvveeee Shots of Jaaaaccckkkk...
10 Colored Socks
6 Bags of Tea
4 Choc'late Bars
and a Cartridge for my Sega

On the 36th day of my birthday, my lady wife gave to me:
36 Bow Ties
31 Coupon Deals
28 Folded T-Shirts
25 New Hustles
21 Scrambled Eggs
16 Belgian Waffles
Tweeellllvvveeee Shots of Jaaaaccckkkk...
10 Colored Socks
6 Bags of Tea
4 Choc'late Bars
and a Cartridge for my Sega

On the 38th day of my birthday, my lady wife gave to me:
38 Sweet Kisses
36 Bow Ties
31 Coupon Deals
28 Folded T-Shirts
25 New Hustles
21 Scrambled Eggs
16 Belgian Waffles
Tweeellllvvveeee Shots of Jaaaaccckkkk...
10 Colored Socks
6 Bags of Tea
4 Choc'late Bars
AND A CARTRIDGE FOR MY SEEEGGGAAAAA