It's been awhile, but y'all know how life gets. Let's play a lil catch up.
Recently I've figured out that as I have gotten older, the more "girlish" I have become. My tomboy tendencies aren't as prevalent anymore and I find that I'm okay with it for the most part. However, I have never been a fearful person (aside from dogs, but that was irrational and I am NOT ashamed). I didn't care for bugs and the whatnots, but there was no immediate issue of needing to get away unless it was a dog.
Things have changed especially over the past couple months. And last week, I actually did the whole girly girl "eewww" thing in my car after seeing a rodent of some sort crawl into our garage. You know what I'm talking about right? The fan the air irrational shaking of the head and actually saying "eeww, eeww, eewwww!" Yeah, THAT I am ashamed of; I began my exercise regime that day because I have got to do better. That day, I also realized that I hadn't been down in my basement since the whole bird in the basement incident. Ain't that sad?
Over the weekend, I did get down there, but still ... I have reservations. I'm on guard at every sound and I won't go down unawares anymore (i.e. listening to my audio books). I also will only go down when my comedic knight in shining armor is home. The basement is not sound proof so he'd at least be able to hear my distress and figure something out with me.
See ... even that. I've always been the "I am woman, hear my roar" & "I don't need a man to do anything for me" type. Yeah, I said it. You can hate me for it, but you don't know my life or the men that were present/absent so don't judge me. Either way, I now actually appreciate my husband and some other men for being there and being men. I now have the option (and actually sometime choose that option) to just let my man handle the "manly" things. Heck, I even ask him to open bottles & jars after my initial try doesn't work.
So maybe I am not a girly girl, but instead a grown woman who has finally come to grips with not having to take care of everything and actually being able trust in the man beside me. So I should rephrase the sentence up top to something like:
As I have gotten older, wiser, and stronger in my life, I have come to trust my husband more and more with my life. I have come to learn more about myself leading to actually accepting my fears and knowing that I have someone who's willing to set aside his fears all because I am his.
Hhhmmm ... this post just got real. The Lord ever teach you something through yourself and it take you a minute to see it? Well, that just happened to me. As I was rereading this to type my conclusion, I came across that awesome testimony. I've struggled with being a woman all of my life simply because I REFUSE to have a man "rule" over me and dog me out the way I've seen many of them do the women in my life. I've observed (and apparently internalized) the abuse, neglect, lies, and cheating that surrounded me and I had decided that that wouldn't be me. Nope. I wasn't her and I ain't gone be her. Not only that, I took it upon myself to put those jokers in their place when they were around me cause I wasn't having it! I embraced that to the point that I never really accepted the men who were loving, kind, and uplifting to women.
Now, don't get me wrong. I realized a LONG time ago what kind of man I wanted and I knew when the Lord provided. I also tried my best to love him back and not to give him slack because of the wrongs of other men. However, I'm not sure how great of a job I did with not giving him the bill for other men's wrongs.
So while he's been the Great Husband Ever, I haven't exactly been the Greatest Wife Ever. I need to do better. So here's to a refocusing mission. Time to up my wife game. And I think I know just the way to start this off.
I really don't think y'all got that like I did, but it's cool. I can praise Him for myself. I'm accepting this lesson and expectant of the blessings. Amen! Amen! Amen!
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