Weird, Huh?

Sssooo I sometimes find myself enamored by a celebrity. It happens. However, I'm bad about actually keeping it up - kind of like my friendships (ouch!). Anyway, last night I found myself becoming enamored with Mayim Bialik (remember Blossom? Or do you watch Big Band Theory? She's Amy, Sheldon's girlfriend). Anyway, I researched her a bit last night and found that I can relate to her many quirks - weird, huh?

Well, it got me to thinking about my lifestyle and all that jazz. I've been on a very introspective journey since turning 30 - weird huh? Oh well. Now about the lifestyle of mine ... This morning I awakened feeling some kind of way. I wanted to be jazzy, but not really. I wanted to look like a grownup, but I lack the wardrobe on most cold weather days (we're supposedly getting freezing rain today). I wanted to not look like my high school wardrobe self - you know - the jeans & a t-shirt type wardrobe. I failed, but it works. I have on jeans & a sweater (nice sweater, but still).

Besides that, I also felt reinvigorated about my parenting style. Yeah, weird huh? Maybe, maybe not. See I'm not a fan of hitting of any kind - I think it's barbaric. However, I've found that I'm more inclined to spank my child these days. Now that he speaks very clearly and expertly says "no" in more than one way at a very high decibel and all, I find that hitting is a consideration these days. No bueno! I hate spankings so I'm always looking for other punishments. I try to keep spankings to dire situations, but it's hard. Why? It shouldn't be because I don't like it. I never liked receiving them and I've never liked dishing them out. I do often have thoughts that people NEED them, but I just wish NOT to be apart of it. That's weird, huh?

Well, I realize that it's hard because of peer pressure. I feel like every parent I know has something as a representative of a spanking. I've seen people threaten with belts, "whooping" spoons, etc. I'm pressured to fit in because my child is very much his own lil person. That means that he has no qualms about speaking his mind and saying what he does & does NOT agree with, what he will & will NOT do, who he will & will NOT speak to, etc. Sad thing is, it doesn't bother me as much as it bothers those around me. I like for my child to speak his mind even when he's disagreeing with me. [That does not mean he gets his way, but it does means that I know where he stands.] See, my child is my child. I'm rather bratty and contrary all at the same time now that I'm an adult. I don't remember being either as a small child, but I grew into being contrary around my pre-teen years and kept it up. Sssooo ... what does one do?

I have missed emotions when it comes to this because I love the Attachment Parenting style that we kind of just rolled with when he was a baby and into his toddler years. Now that he's moving into his preschool years, we've been spanking him more often, but it bothers me. We only spank him because he really won't listen or is being really out of order (flailing himself across the room, hitting us or things, etc). I've gotten out of the habit of reading up on Attachment Parenting since I've begun working on a more regular basis. Maybe that's the issue. I stopped preparing myself so that I could just respond to the boy versus reacting to his crazy. However, I also don't know how to get back to it. Problem. I see I might need to get back to being enamored with my parenting style instead of everything else. Weird huh?

Oh yeah, back to why I'm enamored with Mayim Bialik. Well, I read some of her blogs on kveller.com and realized that I can relate to some of her experiences as a mom, as a working mom, as a mom to a hypersensitive kid, and as a hypersensitive person myself. I've been known as the weird one a good portion of my lil 30 years of life so I'd grown to think that there were no others like me. HA! I've found someone and it's refreshing. Sometimes I just want to be like someone else. While I'm good being all by myself, it's sometimes nice to know that I'm at least not alone. So yeah, I'm a werido who prefers solitude, numbers, and puzzles to all things crowd related. So yeah, I'm a parent who cringes when I see a child getting a spanking not because I remember, but because it literally hurts me to see it. So yeah, I'm struggling with spanking my child just because I'm surrounded by those who believe in a beat down. So yeah, I do sometimes believe people need beat downs to come to their senses but it hurts to be near it. So yeah, I'm a walking contradiction eh? So yeah, I'm weird ... huh? Well, I'm okay with that. Weird, huh?

Now while this post clearly deviated quite a bit, I suppose this is what I was to post today. Enjoy!!