4.3.14

Just Writing

So at the moment, I have so many things running through my head that I can't really focus. I decided to just write & see what happens. I may or may not share this, but we'll see ... If you're reading this, hheeyyy!!

Anyway, let's see where this takes us. On this morning, I've been feeling some kind of way. Matter of fact all year (and it's barely March), I've been feeling some kind of way. What kind of way? I don't know how to explain it ... sensitive may be the best description. That's disturbing in the sense that I despise being called or associated with sensitivity. You know the whole I-am-woman-hear-me-roar ... that's all my thing. However, there comes moments where I just don't have a roar in me AND I definitely wish not to be heard. Matter of fact, I could disappear. For those who've read my testimony, you know that thought has lead me into trouble in he past. Well, this isn't the same. I have WAY too much to live for these days to be going back down that road. Nowadays, my disappearance thoughts refer to me-time or resting without the guilt that falls upon me because in my life, there's never a resting moment. So I suppose that may be why I'm so "sensitive" these days. I'm tired and have no defenses at the moment. The great thing about it is that I know that that's okay. Why? Well, because I have somebody that has my back and is possibly craving to protect me in these instances. See, I'm usually all about taking care of myself cause it's just what I do. I take care of myself and anybody else that wishes for my protection. And although I have expectations that my husband be able to do so, I've been informed that I haven't really allowed for this experience. Well, I think I have no choice at the moment. I know he's up for the challenge, but I don't know how to let myself just relax in all of this. Ya ever feel like that? So used to taking care of business that you don't know how to let someone else take care of you? This is a definite weakness of mine and I suppose it's what I'm working on at the moment. Sista girl is tired over here y'all ... Pretty sure I'm coming down with one of these Winter illnesses too so I know that doesn't help either.

So that's that ... there's more, but I just said I was tired. I'll stop here before I get to rambling.