5.6.13

30 Years In Review

I recently entered into my 3rd decade of life. It was just another day. It was not bitter. It was not sweet. It didn't mark the beginning or end of anything. However, the weeks leading up to it stirred up a lot of self-reflection. My self-reflection included looking at those in my life now and who've been in my life’s past. It especially has included a lot of seeking for spiritual guidance. So I've decided that in this quest to be more like Jesus, I’d better get to gettin’. Instead of requesting a big bash or anything, I decided to write letters - love letters to some of my loved ones. I began writing them and then was sidetracked so no one has received them just yet, but they are coming. Everyone won’t get one, but it is just a start. See, I've decided to write love letters for every birthday of mine and hopefully increase the number each year. And while this year, I didn't quite make my goal of having them delivered on (or by) my birthday, I am determined to get them out before my Anniversary. See, my goal is to love more people each year than I loved the year before. That for me is being more like Jesus. I’m being more like the love I want. I’m attempting to align my spirit so that when you see me, you see the love I have for you instead of the scowl on my face from whatever foolishness life just threw at me.

My self-reflection also took into account my outward appearance. I haven’t been concerned with that probably since I was a kid (not even a teenager). It was my claim to just not giving a care about anything including myself. Oh, I loved myself enough to keep myself up & a sista can pull out the stops from time to time when I FEEL like it. However, I reflected upon the fact that that’s not fair. My husband is constantly doing things to ensure that he’s ALWAYS attractive to me so why should I not try at least for him. Then you add on the fact that I have a son who may someday bring a lucky young lady into our family folds, I’d better get to gettin’. I don’t want him thinking that women should be placed in any box not even the one I created for myself. So with that, I added on an extra challenge of challenging myself on that level. My first challenge began on my birthday (or rather the day after since I was a lazy bone on the actual day) and I pray it is pleasing the one I pledged my love to almost 4 years ago. I know the 2 year old lil person is having a time figuring out these new wardrobe items appearing on mom.

Now, these are only two of the reflective discussions that I've had with myself over the past few months, but there are plenty more. As I gather the urge or need or whatever to write about them, I’ll hit y’all up. Until then, love yo peeps! And remember I love y’all!